From the minute I was pregnant, I immediately devoured every scrap of info I could get my hands on to see if my development was normal, and I did things like comparing my body to other pregnant mothers. Of course, everyone is different, so this was a fun little emotional rollercoaster: some days I was elated, others I was devastated, and the worst part is that I did it to myself, AND it’s very easy to transfer this sort of thinking to your kids. What I didn’t know then is that the way we talk to our kids will have a deep and direct impact on how they feel about themselves. We’re talking about self-esteem here.
SO! Let’s think about how we interact with our kids, and keep from screwing them up. Here are 3 easy things you can avoid:
- Don’t label. When discussing their inappropriate behavior, don’t call them “bad” or “naughty little scamps”, just describe their “actions” and explain why their actions were wrong or bad. This can be super hard to do, because we’ve been programmed to label people based on their behavior. It’s easier to stop doing a specific thing (like tripping the neighbor boy Joey), but it’s much harder to stop being a “bad kid”. (Labels are bad, mmmkay?)
- Don’t compare. Unfortunately, this is how our brains work – we learn and communicate via comparison, and often the easiest comparison is to your other kids, or kids your kid knows. NOT GOOD. By comparing your child to another child, you’re setting them up for competition in a negative way. Nobody likes to hear that little Jessie got straight A’s or that Jason makes his bed every morning without being reminded. This just makes them hate Jessie or Jason, and the message you’re trying to convey is lost. Instead, try comparing their behavior to their own history. Bring up past examples of when THEY did well. By comparing them to themselves, they feel that you acknowledge that they are good kids. Then, all they need to do is change that one thing — they won’t be dealing with a constant battle to be better than someone else.
- Don’t lie. Kids are smart, they’ll pick up on fibs, no matter how “white” the lies might be. So don’t waste your time telling them that they probably didn’t mean to say that Jeni is ugly – kids are very literal – in their minds, she really is ugly! Don’t try to make them look better than they are because that just tells them they’re not living up to your expectations. This can cause lead to acting out or other, larger problems. If you catch yourself starting to fib, stop and simply ask your kid what he should do to fix the problem. If they don’t know how to respond or they continue to defend their behavior, explain why that behavior isn’t ok.
See? Easy!
From the minute I was pregnant, I immediately devoured every scrap of info I could get my hands on to see if my development was normal, and I did things like comparing my body to other pregnant mothers. Of course, everyone is different, so this was a fun little emotional rollercoaster: some days I was elated, others I was devastated, and the worst part is that I did it to myself, AND it’s very easy to transfer this sort of thinking to your kids. What I didn’t know then is that the way we talk to our kids will have a deep and direct impact on how they feel about themselves. We’re talking about self-esteem here.
SO! Let’s think about how we interact with our kids, and keep from screwing them up. Here are 3 easy things you can avoid:
- Don’t label. When discussing their inappropriate behavior, don’t call them “bad” or “naughty little scamps”, just describe their “actions” and explain why their actions were wrong or bad. This can be super hard to do, because we’ve been programmed to label people based on their behavior. It’s easier to stop doing a specific thing (like tripping the neighbor boy Joey), but it’s much harder to stop being a “bad kid”. (Labels are bad, mmmkay?)
- Don’t compare. Unfortunately, this is how our brains work – we learn and communicate via comparison, and often the easiest comparison is to your other kids, or kids your kid knows. NOT GOOD. By comparing your child to another child, you’re setting them up for competition in a negative way. Nobody likes to hear that little Jessie got straight A’s or that Jason makes his bed every morning without being reminded. This just makes them hate Jessie or Jason, and the message you’re trying to convey is lost. Instead, try comparing their behavior to their own history. Bring up past examples of when THEY did well. By comparing them to themselves, they feel that you acknowledge that they are good kids. Then, all they need to do is change that one thing — they won’t be dealing with a constant battle to be better than someone else.
- Don’t lie. Kids are smart, they’ll pick up on fibs, no matter how “white” the lies might be. So don’t waste your time telling them that they probably didn’t mean to say that Jeni is ugly – kids are very literal – in their minds, she really is ugly! Don’t try to make them look better than they are because that just tells them they’re not living up to your expectations. This can cause lead to acting out or other, larger problems. If you catch yourself starting to fib, stop and simply ask your kid what he should do to fix the problem. If they don’t know how to respond or they continue to defend their behavior, explain why that behavior isn’t ok.
See? Easy!
So you’ve worked hard to maintain mostly A’s and B’s, and an occasional C, and you were setting your sights for the UC’s. UCLA in So Cal or Cal up in Berkeley for you high achievers. Santa Barbara with the beaches or Santa Cruz with the redwoods. Everything’s set. Life is swell. But then you check your grades and find out that you actually bombed your pre-calc final, and ended up with a D! Oh noes!
Your head starts spinning. Your dreams vanish. You think you’ll be the only one in your class who won’t get into any colleges, and you’ll wind up working as a purse-dog swapper for a socialite. But wait, IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.
Come on out from under that rock, and dust yourself off. Believe it or not, one terrible grade won’t hurt your overall GPA if you’ve been getting mostly A’s.
While living in denial is a happy place to be, it’s time to calculate your GPA so you can make some smart decisions that can actually help you to get into your top colleges. But, if you’re like most people, you don’t actually know your GPA. And, the thought of figuring out the formula and doing the math stresses you out. Then you actually start thinking that a community college might be your best option. But seriously, all you need is one of the many GPA calculators you can find online.
Here’s what you do:
- Get a copy of your transcript — unofficial is fine.
- Enter your grades and their weights (regular or honors/AP), and the calculator will do the rest for you!
Remember, some colleges only consider 10th and 11th grades, not 9th grade or 12th. Now that you’ve got the hang of it, enter an A or a B to replace your D in Pre-calculus to see if retaking the class will substantially improve your GPA.
OK, now that you’ve got the facts, it’s time to make some decisions. If your D or F brings down your GPA below where you need it to be to get into your #1 college, then you have 3 choices. You can:
- Retake the class at your school,
- Take the class at a local community college or online program, or
- Take a one-on-one class at a private school (like Merit Academy!)
The good news: Most colleges will replace your original D with your new grade when calculating your GPA.
Your parents’ financial situation will probably determine which of the 3 options is best for you. Retaking the course (it has to be the exact course, with the same course title) will be the easiest and least expensive. Meet with your guidance counselor to make sure the course is offered the next semester or over the summer.
Pro Tip: To improve your chances of getting a better grade, compare teachers and select one who has the best reputation.
If your teacher options are murky at best, consider retaking the course at a different school, a community college, or an online program. The downside here is that there will be a cost (for private schools and colleges) and the course may be taught at a faster pace with a wide range of students whose grades will affect the class curve.
Pro Tip: Only choose this option if you’re a strong student and you feel super confident that retaking it will land you an A in the class. If you’re really lost and this subject is NOT one of your favorites, taking it in college with instructors who expect college-level students or taking an online course without an actual instructor is a BAD IDEA.
If finances aren’t muddying the decision process, then retake your class from an accredited high school that offers one-on-one classes. Yes, these schools do exist! While it might not be fair, it is totally legit. You’ll have your own teacher who will customize your course so that you completely understand the concepts and you’ll have the best chance to actually ace the class. The class schedule is set around your busy schedule and you can actually complete the class in as little as 2 months! It’s really a no-brainer, but it IS the most expensive option.
The bottom line: retake classes that you got a D or F in. It’ll improve your GPA and keep you in the running for college admissions.
Ok, I know that headline is a little click-baitey, but I promise you this IS an actual thing that almost no one knows about. It WILL make a difference, and it involves a bit of sleight-of-hand. The way the system is set up now, you (as a high school senior) log into the FAFSA site, and you see that you’ve got 10 spots to list the colleges you’re interested in. Great, right? Almost everyone just fills all of those fields out, submits, and calls it a day. BUT WAIT! There’s a problem with this.
What you don’t know is that ALL of those colleges can see your submission, INCLUDING the other colleges you’ve applied to. This might not be in your best interests to do – if Joe X from Awesome University sees that you’ve applied to College Z, he might think that you’ve put College Y on your list as a “safety school”, and give you LESS consideration than if he only saw HIS college on the list, EVEN IF YOU MEET ALL THEIR REQUIREMENTS. If good old College Y (Go Ys!) is the only college on that list, it might appear to Joe that you really really want to get into that school, which works in your favor. Schools like to see enthusiasm.
So here’s what you do: file the FAFSA and list just ONE college. Then wait a few days, log back in, delete that college and enter the next college on your list. Do this until all of the colleges you are applying to have been entered on the FAFSA.
Worried that this is a bit shady? Don’t be. FAFSA actually says that this is an ok thing to do, and they have recently updated their website with this information. You won’t be penalized for using this method – you’ll only increase your chances of getting into the colleges you want. o go for it! You’ve got nothing to lose, and maybe the college of your dreams to gain! Let us know how this went for you in the comments – I’d love to hear from you!