Every parent wants their child to be happy. We want to protect them from disappointment, shield them from failure, and make sure their self-esteem is never bruised. But in doing so, we may be doing them a long-term disservice. As well-meaning as helicopter parenting may seem, it’s often a barrier to the development of one of the most crucial life skills: grit.
Grit, as defined by psychologist Angela Duckworth, is the combination of passion and perseverance for long-term goals. It’s the drive that keeps your child practicing piano even when they’d rather be outside, trying out for the team again after being cut, or competing in the science fair when their competition is the parents of their peers. It’s what transforms a child into a confident, stable, and successful adult.
Children aren’t born with grit. It’s cultivated through life experiences that often consists of adversity. And that’s where many parents get lost. In trying to prevent our children from failure, we inadvertently rob them of the opportunity to learn how to bounce back, to adapt, and to push through. These are the very skills that they need to build confidence and resilience.
Consider a child who loses a soccer game. A helicopter parent might blame the referee’s call, question the coach’s training, or offer an immediate treat to soothe the sting of losing. A grit-building parent, on the other hand, might ask their child how they felt, discuss different strategies they could try next time, and plan to practice techniques that can make them better players. The first approach teaches that setbacks are caused by others and encourages the blame game. The second shows that setbacks are part of life and stimulates creative strategies to improve.
Today, children are often overscheduled, overstimulated, and overprotected. Many don’t have the time to simply work at something for the sake of getting better. They’re shuttled from activity to activity, with adults managing every detail of their lives. But when do children learn how to manage their time? Set priorities that are important to them? Stay up late to finish a project or wake up early to meet a deadline?
If our children don’t struggle, they won’t learn how to persevere and successfully reach their goals. And when they face inevitable challenges in high school, college, careers, or relationships, they may crash and feel like failures. We can’t fix their problems forever, but we can prepare them to find solutions and enjoy the feeling of overcoming obstacles with grit.
So, how can parents begin to foster grit?
1. Let them fail: Don’t rush to rescue them from every mistake. Whether it’s forgetting their homework or getting a poor grade, let them face the consequences. Offer support, and help them rethink their strategies.
2. Encourage long-term commitments: Whether it’s a sport, instrument, or project, help them stick with it even when it gets tough or boring. Grit is built through sustained effort over time.
3. Model perseverance: Share your own struggles and how you overcame them. Let them see that setbacks are normal and surmountable.
4. Focus on effort, not outcome: Praise the hard work, not just the win. When kids learn that effort matters more than perfection, they’re more likely to keep trying.
5. Teach time management: Instead of managing their schedules, guide them in using planners (G Cal), blocking off time to complete their tasks, and prioritizing their activities. These skills are essential for success and independence.
Ultimately, grit is what helps kids manage their world – the good, bad, and ugly. It’s not about being tough; it’s about being passionate and resilient. As parents, our job isn’t to pave the road, but to prepare our children for the journey—bumps, detours, and all.
Let’s stop fearing failure, instead, let’s embrace it as the teacher it is. Because in the end, the grit our children gain today will become the backbone of their success tomorrow.
Every parent wants their child to be happy. We want to protect them from disappointment, shield them from failure, and make sure their self-esteem is never bruised. But in doing so, we may be doing them a long-term disservice. As well-meaning as helicopter parenting may seem, it’s often a barrier to the development of one of the most crucial life skills: grit.
Grit, as defined by psychologist Angela Duckworth, is the combination of passion and perseverance for long-term goals. It’s the drive that keeps your child practicing piano even when they’d rather be outside, trying out for the team again after being cut, or competing in the science fair when their competition is the parents of their peers. It’s what transforms a child into a confident, stable, and successful adult.
Children aren’t born with grit. It’s cultivated through life experiences that often consists of adversity. And that’s where many parents get lost. In trying to prevent our children from failure, we inadvertently rob them of the opportunity to learn how to bounce back, to adapt, and to push through. These are the very skills that they need to build confidence and resilience.
Consider a child who loses a soccer game. A helicopter parent might blame the referee’s call, question the coach’s training, or offer an immediate treat to soothe the sting of losing. A grit-building parent, on the other hand, might ask their child how they felt, discuss different strategies they could try next time, and plan to practice techniques that can make them better players. The first approach teaches that setbacks are caused by others and encourages the blame game. The second shows that setbacks are part of life and stimulates creative strategies to improve.
Today, children are often overscheduled, overstimulated, and overprotected. Many don’t have the time to simply work at something for the sake of getting better. They’re shuttled from activity to activity, with adults managing every detail of their lives. But when do children learn how to manage their time? Set priorities that are important to them? Stay up late to finish a project or wake up early to meet a deadline?
If our children don’t struggle, they won’t learn how to persevere and successfully reach their goals. And when they face inevitable challenges in high school, college, careers, or relationships, they may crash and feel like failures. We can’t fix their problems forever, but we can prepare them to find solutions and enjoy the feeling of overcoming obstacles with grit.
So, how can parents begin to foster grit?
1. Let them fail: Don’t rush to rescue them from every mistake. Whether it’s forgetting their homework or getting a poor grade, let them face the consequences. Offer support, and help them rethink their strategies.
2. Encourage long-term commitments: Whether it’s a sport, instrument, or project, help them stick with it even when it gets tough or boring. Grit is built through sustained effort over time.
3. Model perseverance: Share your own struggles and how you overcame them. Let them see that setbacks are normal and surmountable.
4. Focus on effort, not outcome: Praise the hard work, not just the win. When kids learn that effort matters more than perfection, they’re more likely to keep trying.
5. Teach time management: Instead of managing their schedules, guide them in using planners (G Cal), blocking off time to complete their tasks, and prioritizing their activities. These skills are essential for success and independence.
Ultimately, grit is what helps kids manage their world – the good, bad, and ugly. It’s not about being tough; it’s about being passionate and resilient. As parents, our job isn’t to pave the road, but to prepare our children for the journey—bumps, detours, and all.
Let’s stop fearing failure, instead, let’s embrace it as the teacher it is. Because in the end, the grit our children gain today will become the backbone of their success tomorrow.
Now that students are back in school, let’s set them up to build strong study skills. I’m teaching these skills to students of all ages – even my high school seniors – to improve their grades and to reduce their stress.
To start, they’ll need to get organized so they don’t stress out when facing their long lists of things to do. By using Google Calendar (GCal), they’ll see how and when each homework, paper, or test prep will be done. I like GCal because it’s easy to use and it’s right on their cell phones so they have it with them all the time.
Here are the 8 steps to building strong study skills using GCal:
1. Set up GCal
Enter each class in GCal for the entire week, and make it repeat (recurring feature) for the school year. Some schools have the same class schedules Monday through Friday. Others have block days with longer classes. Refer to your school’s bell schedule to get the approximate times for each class. Then look at the school’s minimum days, teacher in-service days, and school holidays. Make sure that their GCals are accurate for the entire school year.
2. Enter Due Dates
Looking at each class’s syllabus or online homework reminders, enter homework, test dates, and other deadlines on the dates that they are due (not the days they are assigned). This will help your child prioritize what should be done first, and allow enough time to complete all necessary steps. If teachers don’t give students official due dates ahead of time, your child will need to adjust the study plan daily.
3. Add Extracurricular Activities
Next enter in all extracurricular activities and include time for transportation. They might block off 2 hours for practice plus 15 minutes of driving to and from the game. Remind them about sports, music lessons, doctors’ appointments, and social activities. Consider dinner time; do you have a set time for dinner each night? Block off time for all after-school activities including showering after games.
4. Plan When to do Homework
Now that you know when homework is due, your child could block off time to do each facet of the assignment. If they have to complete all math problems on page 8, have them block off one hour to complete it at a time that works for them. They could plan homework around commitments so they could see how they might juggle homework and baseball practice.
5. Steps for Test Preparation (not cramming)
Test preparation will take a little more planning than homework. First, make a list of each step needed to prepare for the test. They may need to read a chapter, review lecture notes, make a study guide or flash cards, meet with a study group, and research other sources (Khan Academy, Google searches). By blocking off time to do each of these tasks over a week in GCal, they’ll learn the concepts at a deeper level than cramming the night before a test. This also gives them time to ask the teacher for help if they don’t understand something before the test.
6. Organize Writing Papers
Writing a book report or research paper will take even more planning than for tests. They’ll need to select the topic, research the subject, write a thesis statement, make an outline, write a rough draft, edit the paper, add a bibliography, include other required materials, and submit it. Some of these steps may take several hours over several days. Like preparing for a test, make a list of all of the steps they’ll need to take to complete the assignment a few days before it is due, and then block off time for each task in their GCal. This will reduce the stress and give them plenty of time to write their report or paper.
7. Reschedule for a Healthy Balance
Review the GCal to see how much time is dedicated to school and after-school activities. Some students create different calendars (school, extracurricular activities, friends, college prep) with different colors so they can quickly see how balanced their lives are. If there isn’t enough time to relax and have fun with friends, then your child could move tasks to another day to ensure that there is a healthy balance of academics, exercise, and social activities. Just check deadlines and test dates and prioritize accordingly.
8. Prepare for Finals Now
Once a week, have your child review everything covered in classes to date. They can glance over previous quizzes and tests, flashcards, and lecture notes over the weekend. Simply block off time to study “Alls” each week. This will help build a deeper conceptual understanding of the material and improve long-term memory. That way, when they need to prepare for midterm or final exams later in the year, they won’t have to cram because they’ll already be prepared.
9. Highlight the Activity When it’s Done
After your child goes to class, does the task, or participates in an activity, they could highlight with their favorite color. That way, they’ll see what they’ve accomplished throughout the day. Success begets success. If they didn’t go to class or do an assignment, they just need to move it to another time or day so they can still meet the deadline. If they know it’s going to be late, they could email the teacher to let them know ahead of time. This teaches responsibility and good etiquette.
Now that our children are back in school after a year and a half of zoom classes, let’s make sure they have the tools and support they’ll need to be successful. Here are 5 tips that can help you guide them.
1. Organization with Merit Planner
All kids (and parents too!) need structure. When they start school, they should have their own paper planner where they can enter homework, quizzes/tests, and project assignments as well as sports, clubs, and social events. I use the Merit Planner because it has 7 days (not just school days) that are divided into 30-minute segments starting at 6:00 am and ending at midnight. By entering in classes for the semester, they’ll have the structure to enter in homework, test, and project dates for each class.
2. Homework and Study Skills
While in class, your children can enter homework assignments right in their planners under the class name on its due date. At home, they can schedule time in their planners to do each task needed to complete their homework. They might block off 45 minutes for math, 30 minutes for research, and 60 minutes to read. By allotting chunks of time to complete the work, they’ll know exactly how to gauge each night’s workload.
While most students prefer to study for exams the night before, research shows that they’ll learn the concepts better and retain this knowledge for longer periods if they spread out their studying over 4 days. To study for a vocabulary test on a Friday, for instance, they could research the definitions by making flashcards on Monday. Then on Tuesday, they study the words and self test; on Wednesday, they write sentences using each word; and on Thursday, they test themselves again. This will ensure that they ace their tests.
3. All Flashcards
When students review all of the flashcards that they have written for a course — once a week for the entire school year — they don’t need to relearn the concepts for final exams at the end of the term because they wouldn’t have forgotten them. Have your child review all flashcards or notes on Sundays, and ask them to put these tasks in their planner for the entire school year.
4. Fun Stuff
Set up play dates for young ones and host parties for teens. I used to cook up my girls’ favorite foods and allowed them to invite a dozen friends for sleepovers. They always had a blast and I loved being the fly on the wall so I was always in the know about what was going on in their lives. Have your children block off time in their planners for sports, social time with friends, and family outings. That way, you’ll be sure they have a happy balance of academics and fun.
5. Family Meetings
Have regular weekly family meetings to keep open communication and to discuss goals. I used to set these meetings for Sunday mornings and serve their favorite Sunday brunches. Sitting around the dining room table with our planners, we discussed each of our plans for the following week. This helped us streamline transportation schedules, family outings, meal prep, and chores. I found that by giving everyone plenty of notice for family vacations, holiday party dates, and medical appointments, there was less resistance from the kids because it was written in their planners by themselves.
Start the new school year with a system that keeps them organized and promotes strong study skills. This will build their academic skills as well as personal confidence.
