Worried About Your New College Roommate?

Now that you’ve graduated from high school – YES! Congratulations! – and you’ve had the best summer ever (no summer reading assignments or summer school), you’re getting reading to close the living-at-home chapter in your life.  While you love your parents and siblings, you’re really ready to live on your own and start your life as a full-time college student.  I bet that sounds really good to you! And, unless you’re one of the very few students who get a single room during their freshman year, you’re probably wondering who this mystery roommate will be. 

Most colleges have you complete a survey to help them match you with a compatible roommate. They’re looking to see if you’re a night owl or if you get up at the crack of dawn, and possibly if you like country music or hip hop.  While it would be ideal if they really used their surveys to place roommates together, don’t be surprised if your roommate is your polar opposite.  It happens, but it doesn’t have to be a train wreck.

As freshmen, you’ll both be new on campus so you’ll probably eat your first meals together during orientation week until you make friends of your own.  Don’t expect that your roommate will be your next BFF because you’ll most likely be very disappointed.  Besides, the best roommates are neutral; people you get along with and respect, but don’t hang a lot of expectations on. This can help avoid unnecessary drama.

If you get your future roommate’s name and contact info, reach out by emailing or texting.  Ask where they’re coming from, what their major is, and what sports or extracurricular activities they participate in.  Another way to size them up is to check social media. Then ask if they plan to bring a microwave, fridge, fan, or other appliances that you might share.  You can offer to purchase one if they purchase the other.  It’s a good way to begin sharing and working together.

When you both arrive on campus, discuss which bed, desk and closet each of you will take before assuming one side is yours.  They may show up with just a suitcase and a backpack, or they might bring a Martha Stewart collection of bedding, towels, and window coverings.  As long as you both have designated sides of the room, you will be able to maintain your personal space and style. It’s good to establish this upon your arrival.  Sharing space is usually not a good idea.

To ensure mutual respect, discuss basic roommate rules.  Like “Fences make good neighbors,” rules make good roommates.  I know most college  students want to be easy-going and the thought of laying down roommate rules may seem over the top or unnecessary, but it’s inevitable that something they do (or you do) will irritate you (or them) and bringing it up later might cause a scene or create bad energy between you. Just by discussing both of your preferences ahead of time, you’ll probably never have to deal with the issues.  It creates mutual respect and boundaries.

Here are some rules to discuss:

1. What time should lights go out and music be off?
2. What time is the earliest for us to make noise (cell phone, music, computer)?
3. Should we keep our food separate?  Should we have community food?
4. How do you want to handle borrowing clothes, towels, toiletries?
5. Do we want our room to be a social place where everyone congregates or a private place?
6. What should we do if we invite someone to spend the night with us?
7. How often is too often to have overnight visitors?

Heading off to college is both exciting and stressful.  You’re going to experience new things, learn more about yourself, and make lots of new friends.  A respectful roommate will ensure that you’ll have peace of mind and personal space when you need it.