Tips for Cutting the Cord/Sending Your Kid Off to College

Even though raising teens can possibly be more challenging than say, running a country or fighting terrorists, when you actually drive your child and drop them off at college, it can be heart wrenching. When I dropped off my youngest daughter, Jaclyn, at Claremont McKenna College, she was in tears as I drove away and I felt like I’d left my infant on the side of the road. Sigh. Although she transitioned beautifully, here are some tips for making your transition less painful for you, and your college-bound kid.

Before they Leave:

Put together a photo album or scrap book that includes pictures and mementos from birth to today. By combing through your albums or boxes of photos, you’ll find all kinds of treasures. This is a great exercise for your child too. It helps put into perspective, this big step for them. They’ll appreciate their lives to date and better understand who they are. This makes for a great foundation to start their next phase in life: college!
Invite family and friends over for a farewell party during the last week at home. Share the photos and video clips with the guests so they, too, can enjoy the walk down memory lane. It also provides a great opportunity for your kid to invite friends that they might not be able to see before they leave. Take lots of photos so they can have them to share with the new friends they’ll meet in college.
Help them pack for college. The college will email a list of things to bring, as well as a list of things they provide. Most dorms have extra long mattresses so your regular twin sheets won’t fit. If you can’t find extra-long sheets in your hometown, order them online or near the college campus.
Create a bucket list of things you would like to do with your kid before they leave. That way, you can eat at their favorite restaurant, prepare a homemade tradition, have a bonfire on the beach, watch new movies, do a movie marathon, or bake their favorite cookies. By honoring the things they love to do with you, you’re also creating new memories.

At the College:

Help them set up their dorm rooms. They’ll probably need a container for their toiletries so measure their cubbies so you can get one that fits in the space provided. If your kid is anything like Jaclyn, buy a shoe carousel or something that fits in the limited space they have. They may need an extra dresser for their clothes, especially if they are moving to an area that has all 4 seasons. This will help satisfy that “mama bear” instinct and your kid will appreciate you paying for it all!
Tour the campus so you feel comfortable knowing where they’ll be hanging out when not in classes or their dorms. Check out the bookstore and buy that t-shirt. You know the one — Stanford Dad or Claremont McKenna Dad. My husband still has at least a dozen shirts from each of our daughter’s colleges.
Take them out for dinner in town. They’ll be eating on campus and getting tired of the same ol’ thing soon enough. Treat them to sushi or something they probably can’t afford on their budgets.
Say goodbye. Most colleges have activities for parents to help with the separation anxiety that so many of us feel. That way, the kids start bonding with fellow students in their dorms. After your activities, you need to leave. Yup. Hugs and kisses, and then be on your way.

Back at Home:

Spring clean your house. During transition periods like this, it’s nice to go through everything and throw out stuff you don’t need to make room for new things. This also gives you the opportunity to create new spaces for things that you’ve always wanted to do.
Convert your child’s old bedroom to a multipurpose room by installing a Murphy bed. I built one in each of my daughters’ rooms. Now I have a sewing room and a massage/facial room. When the girls come home to visit, we pull down the Murphy bed and they get to enjoy all of their mementos like stuffed animals, photos, books, and souvenirs from our travels on the book shelves inside the Murphy Beds.
Stay in touch with your college kid but let them lead the way. In other words, don’t text and call them every hour. Let them text you to set up a routine that works for them. Then, reach out to them in those increments. It’s probably best not to call them early in the morning or late at night on the weekends. They won’t pick up and if they do, you really don’t want to know what they’re doing! When you do talk with them, ask about college life (classes, friends, etc) but also share with them what you’re doing too.
If this is your last child and you’re now an empty nester, reach out to old friends or make new ones. Fill your calendar with getting together for dinner, going to local events, or taking trips. Sure, you’ll miss your baby but there’s nothing like getting out and having fun to help you transition to this new phase in your life!