Tips for Boomerang Students Home for the Summer
So you thought that having teens in the house during high school was challenging? Wait until they come home for the summer after living independently in a college dorm all year. Think: “Animal House.” They’ve spent the year doing what they wanted, when they wanted, and with whomever they wanted without parental supervision. Add a little “entitlement” and moving back home for the summer may be a recipe for disaster.
When your college student comes home for the summer, you’ll need to rethink your relationship and try not to expect them to live by your old rules when they were teens. Remember, they’re adults now – even though they might not act like it.
Check out these 5 tips:
#1: The Plan:
Upon their arrival back home, discuss rules, chores, boundaries and expectations. It’s best to do this during their welcome-home dinner while their stuff is still in suitcases and the honeymoon hasn’t ended yet. In other words, negotiate the plan before they unpack and create their new environment for the summer.
#2: The Rules:
If you have younger children in the home, remind your college student that they’ll need to observe and respect the family rules so that the other children won’t be conflicted should there be double standards. Depending on how old your college student is, you can also grant them privileges because of their age and maturity. For instance, you can tell the younger children that their older brother doesn’t have a curfew or that his curfew is 2:00 am unless he calls to let the family know if his plans change. Layout all of the rules before they need to be enforced.
#3: The Chores:
Just because they didn’t wash their sheets or make their beds for entire semester, doesn’t mean that they can continue that lifestyle in your home. Remind them that doing chores is a tradeoff for room and board. When they do the math, they’ll quickly see that they’re getting a bargain! Rather than constantly asking them to do chores as they’re needed, discuss daily and weekly chores for the summer ahead of time so they can make plans accordingly.
#4: The Boundaries:
Give your college students privacy both in their old rooms (or guest rooms!) and in their personal space. Their sleep schedules might shock you (choose your battles!), and they may not want to discuss their grades, majors, jobs, or future careers (let them bring up these topics when they’re ready). Be available and be a good listener, and they’ll come around and share their thoughts with you.
#5: The Expectations:
If you have several children of driving age, there may be conflict over who gets the keys when your college student comes home for the summer. If you don’t have enough cars for all of the drivers, layout a schedule around work, internships, and outings. Post it on the fridge so everyone knows when they have the car. Encourage them to negotiate trades and carpooling. Some families pride themselves on having Sunday dinners or special family time. If this is important to you, announce this and build excitement around your special time so everyone shows up and participates.
To manage your college student’s 3-month boomerang stay for the summer, discuss the 5 tips above as soon as they arrive home. That way, you’ll set up your expectations and everyone wants to know what’s expected of them. If tensions mount – as they inevitably will at some time – just be glad that it’s a temporary situation because they’ll be leaving at the end of the summer!
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